


Losing and Choosing

by Nadja_Lee



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Love, Mental Breakdown, Moving On, Murder, Pregnancy, Revenge, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-04
Updated: 2002-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22897456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Sabretooth takes Jean and Rogue prisoners and forces Scott to choose who is to live- Jean or Rogue?
Relationships: Jean Grey/Scott Summers, Logan/Ororo Munroe, Rogue/Scott Summers
Kudos: 28





	1. Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Christina for the Beta.  
> *mmmm * is telepathically thoughts spoken in the mind.   
> " mmmmm " is spoken out loud.

**Chapter 1: Losing You**

**Part 1:**  
"I'm going to the mall to get a few things we need. You want to come?" Jean asked Rogue as she saw her sitting alone in the kitchen this Saturday morning.

It was still early, 08:32, so many in the Mansion weren't up yet. Jean was surprised that Rogue was awake considering the students had held a party last night that had lasted till way past 3 in the night. Poor Scott. He had been babysitting on the party and had first got to bed at 05:00 after clean up. When Jean had awoken around eight, Scott had grunted sleepily at her and gone back to sleep.

"Sure," Rogue answered and got her cape.

It had been a little over a month since her ordeal at the Statue and to her joy Logan had returned last night. Really bad timing with the party and all, something that Scott also had complained about but he had been as happy to see their friend as the rest of them. Maybe more since Logan had bought his beloved motorcycle back. She had tried to fit in with the other students at the school but it was hard. Scott had talked with them and explained her mutation for them, saying they should be kind to her as he hadn't missed that almost all had avoided her since she had touched Logan in his room. Kitty had been the first to approach her since then and after that the other students had soon followed. She had tried to open up to the teachers but since Logan's distaste in authorities still sat in her it was difficult. Especially with Scott. Through Logan's feelings she knew he didn't hate the other man, but disagreed heavily on his methods and visa versa. She wished she had the courage to approach Scott and talk with him to get to know him better. She sometimes felt like he had built a prison up around himself through his inability to really see other people. Sometimes she thought she saw the real Scott, afraid to be alone, so desperate to be loved and yet so strong and self-sacrificing, the latter two qualities he displayed time and time again on missions and in his daily life.

"Here we are," Jean said and parked the car. They were so early that there were no other cars parked near by.

Rogue liked Jean, but maybe that was a leftover from Logan as well as she hardly knew the woman. Rogue and Jean exited the car and walked towards the mall, through the large parking place. Suddenly Jean stopped. Rogue stopped too and looked puzzled at her.

"Someone's here. Someone with hate on their mind. Hate and…" Her eyes widened. "… murder!"  
"What? Where?" Rogue asked confused and looked around. All she saw was an old woman coming towards them, her steps unsure.

"Her?" Rogue asked disbelieving and nodded to the old woman.

" No, but close by," Jean whispered to Rogue as she scanned the area. She still wasn't very trained in using her telepathical powers so it was hard for her to locate the source of the thoughts and feelings she was getting.  
"Can you help an old woman to the entrance, child?" The woman asked pleasantly to Rogue, her hand shaking as she pointed to the nearest entrance to the mall. Rogue's eyes softened. She missed her own grandmother at home. She hadn't seen her since all this started.

"Of course. Here, let me guide you."

Rogue offered the woman her arm, which she gratefully took and they started walking towards the mall.

*Something is not right. Stay alert ,* Jean's voice rang in Rogue's head.

*What can she do? Hit me with her cane?* Rogue thought back a little amused. She had barely thought it before she felt a familiar sting in her back and as she lost consciousness and fell down she thought as loud as she could, hoping Jean would hear it:

* Like Magneto did….It's a trap…get….away...warn…..* As before she almost immediately lost consciousness.  
"Rogue!" Jean yelled as she saw her fall down and heard her thoughts. Before her eyes the old woman transformed into a beautiful blue woman.

" Mystique!" Jean hissed and used her telekinesis to tear up a street lamp and throw it towards the other woman. Mystique neatly docked it and came at her. Jean involuntary backed away and…right into Sabretooth's arms.

"I always wanted a redhead!" He growled.  
*Professor, hear me! We are in trouble. Help us. Sabretooth…." She had been so concerned about what Sabretooth might do that she had overlooked Mystique who gave her the same injection in the back as Rogue. She promptly lost consciousness.

**Part 2:**  
"Jean! No!" Scott yelled and sat up in bed. Through their mental link he had heard her plea to the Professor. He jumped out of bed, quickly dressed and ran to the Professor's office. His heart was pumping in fear for Jean and his thoughts and feelings were in turmoil. Let her be ok. Please let her be okay, he prayed as he ran through the corridors and into Xavier's room.

" Professor..."

" I know, Scott. I have already checked on Magneto. He's still in prison so that means that Sabretooth and whoever he might have with him is operating on their own." The older man looked sadly and concerned at Scott. "And that is not a good thing. Eric…Magneto has a sense of control and a sense of honour..." As always when the Professor talked about Magneto, his former friend and now enemy, his voice and eyes softened. "…but Sabretooth has neither. He kills because he can and he enjoys it."

"Have you been able to locate them?" Scott asked concerned. He needed to do something, anything to try and save her. He had to save her. He had to.

"They are moving around right now so Cerebro can't pinpoint their exact location. When they stop I can find them."

"Where is Marie?" Logan asked dangerously, his claws at the ready as he burst into the office.

"She was kidnapped, together with Jean," Xavier said calmly, not the least afraid of Logan's eagerness to fight.

" And what…You sit around here and do nothing? Your girlfriend is gone as well," Logan yelled angrily at Scott.

" I know that. Don't you think I know that?" Scott yelled back, anguish in his voice.

"Stop this childish behaviour at once! It will not bring them back," Xavier said sternly. Scott immediately backed down while Logan still stared angrily at them. "I can't locate them until they stand still. I'll…" The phone ran in that moment and Logan growled in frustration. "Professor Xavier speaking," Charles said as he answered it and following his telepathic impulses, put it on speakers.

" Hey, Prof. If you want your girls back I suggest you tell your X-men to meet me at Claremont Bridge tonight at five. Oh, and tell Cyclops he's not to worry about his little lady. I'll take good care of her. Real good. Ha ha ha," Still laughing, Sabretooth hung up.

"You bastard. You just keep your filthy hands of her, you hear?" Scott yelled furiously and Logan had to hold him back if not he was to smash the intercom and phone system in rage.

"Cool down, Cyke. He can't hear you," Logan said and as Scott regained control, released him. Logan looked at the clock. Seven hours and counting. It was going to be a Hell of a day and the night didn't promise any better. He just prayed Marie was ok.

**Part 3:**  
"Stay together," Cyclops said as he, Storm and Wolverine began to walk down the bridge. Fortunately, or not, depending on ones point of view, the bridge was closed for repair so everything seemed quiet.

"I don't like this," Storm said concerned and covered her and her team-mates in a cloud of fog as Cyclops had asked her to.

" I can smell something," Logan said and they all stopped.

" What?" Cyclops asked concerned.

"Fear," the word had barely escaped Logan's lips before a terrible sight met them; in one of the towers of the bridge, they saw Jean and Rogue.

They were hung up by their hands on either side of one of the posts, up in top of one tower. Should they fall, they'll fall several metres down and get killed on impact as they touched the water. They both seemed unhurt but they were gagged so couldn't tell if it was true.

"What do you think, great leader? Not bad, is it?" Sabretooth said with a leer as he appeared from the shadows.  
"Sabretooth! Cut them down. Now!" Cyclops demanded angrily, hiding his fear for their safety in a more known emotion; hate. Storm and Wolverine stood on either side of him, Logan with his claws at the ready and Storm ready to summon any of the forces of nature on Cyclops' signal.

"Can't do that. You see, the handcuffs…they are…shall we say special? First of all they can't be forcefully opened, they are made of the same metal as Wolverine's claws so even he can't cut through them," he explained with a evil smile. He looked lustfully at Storm who backed a step away from him. "Not even Silver Top here can cut through them with her lightning and neither can you," he nodded to Cyclops who had his right hand at the controls of his visor.

" What do you want?" Cyclops asked coldly.

" What do I want? Her," he nodded to Storm.

" Forget it, bub," Logan said dangerously and moved to stand protectively in front of the beautiful Goddess. Sabretooth laughed at his protective but also possessive action.

"You can't have her!" Cyclops said determined.  
"That's enough. This wasn't the plan," Mystique said as she came forth from the shadows and looked with murder in her eyes at Logan.

"Aren't you dead?" Logan said irritated. He hated having to do the same job twice.

"Not yet."

"Well, I can fix that real quick," Logan growled and jumped at her.

"Logan, don't," Cyclops said but too late. The two of them were already locked in hand to hand combat.

" Stop, or I'll let one drop!" Sabretooth threatened and held up a hand held control panel. Logan drew away from Mystique who gave him a smile for her victory.

"You're bluffing!" Logan stated but drew back to stand besides Storm again.

"No, I'm not. The handcuffs on the women can only be released by this panel. But…." He glanced with malice in his eyes at Cyclops. "..only one of them can drop. When one fall the other will be locked in place and can't fall. The one who's alive can be brought down by any of you as the metal releases it hold on her."

" What are you saying?" Cyclops asked shocked, hoping to be wrong. Was he to…

"It's real simple. Who has always prevented Eric from succeeding? The X-men. Who leads the X-men? Cyclops. Kill the leader and a new rises in his place. Break the leader and you break the team," Mystique explained simply. She saw the X-men's distress written in their faces. "Oh, we aren't that cruel. We'll even let you choose. So, who's it to be, Cyclops? One dies and one lives. You decide."

"God damn it! You can't do this," Cyclops yelled frustrated. They couldn't ask this of him. They just couldn't.

"Of course we can always let Sabretooth decide and then fight over the life of the other one but she'll be an afoul easy target up there and as you can see…" Mystique nodded behind her as man came flying and landed beside her…" we have an ally who can do the job very fast. Want to see who'll get to her first? Storm or Michael here," she nodded to the young mutant who had just landed.

"Don't do this," Cyclops said pained and Storm heard something in his voice she had never heard before; pleading.

"Tick-tock…Better think fast, hero. Sabretooth isn't the most patient of men," Mystique taunted.

" Why you…" Logan began furiously and advanced at her.

" Ah ha, I wouldn't do that if I was you. No matter how fast you are I can still push the button and one will fall," Sabretooth warned and Logan backed down. He looked at Cyclops for ideas for he had none and saw the other man's distress written in his body language and tightening of his jaw. Jean or Marie. He was glad he wasn't forced to choose. But if he were he knew whom he would choose. Marie. She was like the daughter he had never had and he would die, kill or let anyone be killed for her. Even Dr. Jean Grey who he was fond of. In time his desire for her could even have turned into love.

**Part 4:**  
Scott felt like he was in the middle of the worst nightmare of his life. This was too much. They couldn't ask this of him. They just couldn't. How would he ever be able to live with himself, knowing he had killed a person? On the other hand it was better to save one than lose both. Forbidden thoughts came to his mind:

I love Jean and I barely know Marie. Jean is 33 and has lived a good life while Marie is just a child of 17 with her whole life in front of her. Jean has a family and the prospect of a good future with children while Marie has no family who'll claim her and she will never have children as none can touch her. Jean is an X-man and fights for the cause while Marie is a student whose powers we can't use in a fight as she'll get as affected by the person she absorbs as he will be wounded by her hands. I love Jean. I need Jean. If I choose Jean, Marie will die and Logan will hate me if not outright kill me in rage. If I choose Marie, I'll never be able to live with myself again.

All those thoughts ran through Scott's brain in under a minute and he came to one conclusion; he couldn't choose. No matter which choice he made, he'll regret it. He now saw how smart this set-up really was; no matter what he said, if he made a choice or not, one would die and it would be his fault.  
"Decide, hero. Time's running out," Mystique said hardly. Scott looked desperately at Storm and Logan, hoping they had a plan or some way out of this that he hadn't thought of.  
"I'm sorry, my friend. I can't help you this time," Storm admitted sadly, tears coming to her eyes as she knew as he did that no matter what, they would lose a friend tonight. Scott looked at Logan.  
" I….choose Marie!" Logan grunted pained. He didn't want Jean to die yet he wanted Marie to live. He had made tough decisions in his life yet none as hard as the one Scott was facing; Save your lover and kill a student or kill your lover and save a student.

**Part 5:**  
* Scott, are you ok?* Jean's mental voice came weak through his chaotic mind.

* Jean! Oh, dear God. Thank Heavens. Are you ok? I…I don't know what to do. Help me,* his thoughts flew to her over the distance between them.

*Open your mind to me. It'll be faster for me to know what is happening that way.*

Just hearing her voice again brought some sense of peace to him. He did as she asked and let her mental fingers gently probe his mind. He felt her shock and fear, as she understood their situation.  
*We both know what you must do,* Jean's voice came to him but she had cut their report off. He couldn't read her feelings yet she could read his.

* I can't choose! Don't ask it of me,* Scott thought desperately.

* I'll never do that, love. Never. That's why I have chosen for you.*

It took Scott a few seconds to realize what she meant.

* No! Jean, don't do it. I need you. I love you. Don't leave me.*

She read his sadness and anguish and he 'felt' her melancholic smile.

* I have to, don't you see? She deserves so much from life. I have felt and seen all I wished to see. I have found you. I found my one true love. She has yet to do that.*

With her thought came a sense of love, sadness and acceptance of her fate.

* Don't. Please don't,* Scott begged desperately.

* I'm sorry,* she thought sadly and Scott raised his eyes to look at her. The others did the same and Jean undid her handcuffs with her telekinetic powers and started to fall to the ground with great speed, knowing that Marie was now safe.

"* Noooo!*" Scott screamed mentally and physically and ran to the side of the bridge. Storm started to fly to Jean's aid but Michael interfered and they started to fight. Logan jumped at Sabretooth and seemed alight with rage.

* Jean, please….I love you,* Scott thought and saw that she was falling into the ocean. If it had been hard ground he might have been able to soften her fall with his eye beams but not in water. With her speed she would hit the water like it was concrete.

* Scott, open your eyes and look at me. Really look at me,* Jean sent to him and this time he felt fear and sadness from her. Her mental control was slipping. If only she had been more trained then she might have been able to levitate herself down.

* No! I can't do that*

* Scott, I'm going to die. At least let me decide how to go. Do this. For me,* Jean sent to him, her panic growing as she neared the water.

* Nooo!* Scott sent in anguish. He couldn't do what she asked. He couldn't kill her. He looked over the railing and so wished for a miracle. He saw Storm and Michael fight but he couldn't shoot Michael with his deadly blasts without wounding, maybe killing Storm as well.

* Love, I don't want to die like this. Let me die with you. As a part of you. It'll be fast and painless.*

Even as she sent the thought Scott sensed her doubt.

* I…I can't.* Scott thought pained, tears running down his face. A mental command was said and Scott's visor was torn off. He immediately closed his eyes.

* Don't do this, Jean. Don't let me do this,* he begged even as he felt his mind weakening under her mental demand.

* I'm sorry, Scott. I'm…afraid. This way will be less ….painful.*

Even her mental voice held tears.

* Don't…* He felt himself slipping and even as he fought her he knew he was losing. Against his will his eyes was forced opened and he could see her fall again. The next minutes ran as in slow-motion for Scott. He saw and felt the energy leaving his eyes and run down towards Jean's falling form.

* I love you, Scott. Please forgive me for this,* Jean sent softly.

* I forgive you. I love you so much. I …I can't do this without you,* Scott's unhappy thoughts reached her and she sent a last wave of love through their link to him.

* I'll love you. Always.*

* And I you,* Scott thought and saw his energy beam nearing her.

" * Don't leave me!* " He yelled mentally and psychically in anguish but it was too late. His blasts reached her and Scott doubled over on the ground in pain as their link was totally opened as she lost control and so transmitted her feelings to him. The pain was intense but left quickly.

* Love….You* Her thoughts, the last she had thought on this world, reached him a few minutes after her form disappeared in a blaze of fire.

* Don't leave me,* he thought miserably but it was too late. Where her loving presence had always been in his mind there was only emptiness. A emptiness so cold it drove him to the edge of madness.

"* Jean*" He yelled so loud he was sure every telepath and person in a 100 miles radius had heard him. He hung his head in defeat. She was truly gone. He had killed her. He had killed the only woman…the only person who had truly loved him.

**Part 6:**  
" Scott…Scott help me with Marie!" Storm's voice brought him out of the darkness of his mind and he slowly got up from the ground. Looking with his hands he found his visor and put it on. He saw Storm coming with Marie in her arms and when Storm landed, took the frightened young woman from her arms and guided her to the side. He wished he felt something in that moment but he didn't. He just felt...empty as if the reality of it all had yet to hit him. He saw that Michael was out cold, probably from Storm's lightning bolts. Logan still had trouble with Sabretooth as they were equally strong and both had healing factor.

" Logan, move away from him. Now!" Scott commanded as an ice-cold rage took him. Logan moved away from Sabretooth and Scott came towards him, his visor glowing a dangerous red.

" Was this your idea?" Scott asked, his voice so cold and hard that Storm barely recognised it.

" Yes, I …" Sabretooth began but never got to say anything else. A beam of red energy set on full intensity burned him to a crisp.

" Ahhhhhhh" Sabretooth cried out in agony as he burned up. A terrible silence fell over the battlefield as he was gone, nothing but ashes to the wind.

" That was for Jean," Scott said lowly, but his voice held no emotions.

" Scott! By the Light of the Goddess, what have you done?" Ororo whispered shocked.

" Victor!" Mystique cried and looked ready to jump at Scott.

" Go ahead, I'll blast you down where you stand," Scott said coldly and Mystique drew back from the venom in his voice. She turned into a strong man and carried Michael away from the scene.

" I'll be back to avenge Victor," she promised as she went away.

"Try and you die," Scott promised with just as much certainty as she had uttered her threat. When the four X-men were alone, Rogue nestled against Logan's chest, crying, and Storm and Logan looked troubled at Scott, an unnatural stillness fell over the bridge.

" Scott, is Jean…." Storm began softly. Scott looked at her, his emotions as unreadable as ever.

" She's ...gone. She's gone."

It was as if he came out from a trance and tears started to run down his cheeks.

"She's truly gone."

He sank to his knees on the bridge and cried for the first time in as long as he could remember. He felt like his world was crumbling and his heart was breaking in a million pieces.

**Epilogue:**  
Scott Summers sat in his office Saturday night a little over two. This morning he had been too tired to talk to Jean and now she was no more. His grip around his Bourbon glass tightened and his eyes began to water again.

Oh, Jean. Why did you have to leave me all alone? He tried to picture her for him; her eyes, her hair, her face but all he saw was himself blasting her, killing her. With a suddenness which surprised even himself he threw the glass against the wall and it broke in a 1000 pieces reminding him of the way his heart felt right now. He picked up a picture of Jean standing on his desk. She was smiling at him, looking so happy and trustful. And he had betrayed that trust. He had killed the light in her eyes. Him and only him. He let himself sink to the floor of the office and cried. Cried so hard, he thought he should die. The moon bathed him in its silver light through the office window, and from a distance it looked like he was praying which he might was. Praying to get Jean back or praying to join her, no one knew. Soon the stars gave way for the sunlight but this morning brought no warmth and no light to Scott's life for his heart was dead and his life was empty. He was alone. Alone and cold.


	2. Choosing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott tries to live with the changes in his life…and Rogue is there to guide him

**Part 1:**

Scott still couldn't believe that Jean was gone. He had dragged himself to bed at 4 in the morning but hadn't been able to sleep. The bed was so big and so empty. So cold. He kept thinking of Jean, imagining seeing her walk through the door and tell him it was all just a bad dream. But she didn't. Yesterday she had been alive. It seemed an eternity ago. He had been happy and content. Been secure in his happiness. Now he had lost it all and the only one he could blame was himself. It was all his fault.

That one sentence; 'It was all my fault', rang in his mind and threatened to drive him mad. He sat on the bed, rocking back and forth, looking at the wall with a picture of him and Jean but not seeing

it. Tears ran down his face as he kept reliving the worst moment of his life; the moment he had killed the woman he loved.

Damn it all to Hell, he thought hotly and threw his glasses into the wall, keeping his eyes tightly shut. These eyes, his eyes, were what had killed Jean.

I can't live with this pain, this guilt, he thought desperately as the guilt and pain was about to strangle him.

He felt like he was drowning, like he was dying. With a calm that surprised even himself he knew what he had to do. His eyes had killed Jean, it seemed only fair they should also kill him. He knew his eyelids were immune to his power but he didn't know if the rest of his body was too. In that moment he wished it wasn't. He was sure he should die from this agony inside and in that moment he wished he would because then he'll be with her again.

I love you, Jean. Forgive me, he thought sadly and opened his eyes, his head bent so he was facing his stomach and his legs he had curled up under himself. A red beam shoot from his eyes and reached the bed he was sitting on.

**Part 2:**

" What the Hell was that?" Logan yelled at he ran out in the hallway from his room. Ororo came from her room across from his. He was wearing only boxers and she was in a long white nightdress, making her look as beautiful as if she was going to a ball and her beauty did not go unnoticed by Logan.

" It came from Scott's room," Ororo said concerned as they ran towards his room.

He's very handsome, Ororo couldn't help but notice about Logan and a blush coloured her cheeks that Logan saw and he smiled at her.

Out of breath, they reached Scott's room. We should never left him alone, Ororo thought, but he had seemed ok. Nowhere near fine but in control. Ororo tried to open the door but it was locked.

" Scott, are you okay? Open the door, please," Ororo said worried and when he didn't answer Logan pushed her to the side.

"Let me," he growled and with a thought his claws appeared and he forcefully opened the door. They both ran in and saw Scott sitting on the floor or rather what was left of it. Most of the bed and the floor under it was gone and Scott sat in the middle of the chaos, his eyes tightly shut.

"Scott?" Ororo asked concerned and knelled beside him. He didn't even turn his head to look at her. His lips was moving and Ororo leaned closer to hear what he was saying.

" I killed her…I killed her…I killed her…" he kept mumbling again and again.

"No, you didn't," Ororo denied softly and shook her head but got no reaction.

"Here," Logan handed her Scott's glasses and Ororo gently gave Scott them on.

"What are we to do with him?" Ororo asked unhappily as they had both tried in vain to get any reaction from him. Logan had even tried to pop his claws right in front of him, a sight that should have shocked every normal person out of ten years growth.

"I don't know, 'Ro. But we'll do it together," Logan answered softly and looked sadly down at the broken man. If he ever got his hands on Mystique she was so dead. Her plan had indeed been brilliant, the Scott they knew seemed to be no more.

Ororo nestled against Logan's chest, needing his warmth and strength in this nightmare. Logan mumbled calming words to her and stroked her silver hair and found he liked having her in his arms. He had missed a woman of his own. One to love and one to protect.

**Part 3:**

" Rogue, how are you? Really?" Ororo asked concerned the next morning. Logan,

Rogue and Ororo eat alone in the kitchen this morning, thinking it was best.

" Really? Terrible. Jean killed herself so Ah can live. I fell so….guilty," Rogue said brokenly and tears ran down her face.

" It's okay, little one," Ororo said softly and drew her into a motherly embrace.

" How's Scott?" Rogue sniffed. Ororo and Logan looked at each other.

" Marie, Scott's...not taking this well, " Logan said as gently as he could. He saw the pain and guilt in Rogue's eyes and wished he could make the whole terrible night go away.

" It wasn't your fault."

" It was," Rogue cried and ran off.

" Rogue!" Ororo called after her.

" Let her go. She needs some time," Logan said. It pained him to see her this sad.

" And how are you holding up?" Logan asked Ororo softly. She had been so concerned with everyone else she had pushed herself last as always.

" I'm fine."

The answer was too fast, too smooth.

" You needn't lie to me, 'Ro. Not ever, " Logan said and took her under the chin so she was looking at him. She looked down.

"She was my friend," she said sadly and felt tears coming to her eyes.

" Then so shall it ever be."

Someone had said it to him once when he had lost a dear one yet he couldn't remember who had said it or who had died. The latter was probably a blessing. He was saddened by Jean's death as well but he had only known her for a few months and he was so used to losing people he loved by now that pain and sorrow were familiar feelings to him.

" I couldn't save her. I should have. If only I had been a little faster. Had I just…"

" Ororo, if there is one thing I know it's that you can't change the past and ifs and whys doesn't help. Things is the way they are and that's that," Logan said softly as he stroked her cheek.

"Hold me. For now just hold me," Ororo whispered and Logan put his arms around her. He knew she was grieving and anyone would have been fine as her comforter yet still he felt a flicker of hope. Maybe a Beauty could learn to love a Beast.

**Part 4:**

" How is Rogue taking this?" Xavier asked Ororo and Logan as he joined them at breakfast.

" Not good. And Scott…" Ororo began, hurriedly moving away from Logan and wiping her eyes.

" I know. I feel his pain. His anguish. Last night he tried to kill himself. We need someone to look after him and try and bring him back." Xavier looked out the window and saw Rogue sitting alone in the garden, crying into her hands.

"And I know just the person for the job."

"Rogue? But she's grieving herself," Logan said surprised and a bit angry.

"Right now she only has her own pain to think about and it makes it bigger. She barely knew Jean. Of course she grieves for her and feel guilty but if she doesn't think of anything else than Jean's death, it'll ruin her."

The professor's voice was soft and something that could have been tears glimmered in his eyes.

"But if she were to have someone to care for…someone other than herself to think about…It'll help her get over her own grief," Ororo ended for him as she caught on.

**Part 5:**

"'Evening, Scott. How have your day been?" Rogue said pleasantly as she entered his room.

Xavier had given her full responsibility for Scott's recovery and the first thing she had done was move him into one of the guestrooms and take down everything that could remind him of Jean. After having heard that he had tried to kill himself with his eye blasts but that he was immune on his entire body to his own power, she had removed all sharp and pointy objects from the room.After two days where she had spoken to him, showed things to him, he had started to move around for himself again. He still didn't speak and kept to himself. So far she hadn't been able to get him to go outside. First when Scott three days after Jean's death had bumped into a table in his new room did she realise than even though he was wearing his glasses he kept his eyes closed. He had quickly learned his new room by the feel of it and could walk around in it without bumping into something. Scott had lived like this for nearly four months now. Rogue had forgotten her own grief and pain in her dedication to Scott and she had quickly come to love him like a mother a child or a woman her sick brother. Xavier had excused her from all classes which she was happy for. She wasn't into having to explain or be with the others right now. Ororo seemed better and Logan more happy. She wondered if something was going on between the two of them. They always seemed to look so intensely at each other at breakfast these days and a normal remark from Logan could get Ororo to blush like the other day where he had mentioned the stables. Now what was worth blushing about just because someone said 'stables'?

"I thought we should go for a walk," Rogue said softly as Scott had greeted her with a smile from his desk. His smile disappeared and he stubbornly shook his head.

" Come on. It's a nice evening," Rogue tried to persuade him and laid her gloved hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head again.

Okay, I've tried being nice for months and it didn't work. Now I'll try the hard way, Rogue thought.

"Ah think you are hiding behind your pain," she said harshly and tried to ignore Scott's tightening of his jaw, a common sign that he was displeased.

"You aren't grieving Jean, you're grieving yourself," Rogue continued, knowing she was moving into dangerous ground.

Scott got up from his chair and stared out the window, or rather didn't as he still had closed eyes.

"You never loved her, you loved an illusion."

The way Scott quickly turned around told her she had gone too far. He advanced at her and frightened she backed up against the wall. Scott drew a hand up and Rogue instinctively turned her head away from him. Scott reached out and forcefully turned her head back, in his anger and pain forgetting she was the untouchable one.

"Nooo, don't," Rogue cried as she felt his touch but as she looked at Scott gain he was still standing in front of her.

" What?" Rogue asked confused and Scott turned his hands over.

Somehow their mutant powers cancelled each other out. She could touch! She could finally touch. The joy was indescribable.

" I ….can… touch you…" Scott rasped in wonder, his voice hoarse from lack of use.

"You talked!" Rogue said happily.

Scott looked up and into her eyes, really looked at her from behind his glasses

"And you're looking at me," she added joyously.

Maybe Logan was right; some tough love was all he had needed to be dragged up from the well of pity where he had placed himself.

"And I'm seeing the world's most beautiful woman. Thank you, Rogue, for all you've done for me," Scott said, his voice soft and Rogue bushed.

"Ma pleasure," she mumbled. " Well, now I guess you don't need me anymore," she added and tried to keep the sadness from her voice.

She had known this one come one day; Scott was strong and she knew it couldn't have lasted forever. Yet something in her had liked his dependence on her and the responsibility and importance she had gotten. Most of all she had enjoyed being with him.She turned to go but Scott grabbed hold of her hand.

" Don't go. I still need you. I've….always been afraid to be alone. My…foster father used to beat me and lock me in a dark room, all alone," Scott whispered softly, so lowly she could barely hear him.

Why had he told her that? Because he wanted her to stay? Or simply because after so many years and all that time with only his own thoughts and memories to keep him company he needed someone to talk to? Or maybe because after so long without speaking, he had forgotten what was said out load and what was meant to only be a thought? Probably all of the above, Rogue figured."Of course Ah'll stay," Rogue said at once and her eyes filled with love and compassion.Later that night, Scott and Rogue laid on the two beds that had been placed in his room and where Rogue and slept next to him for the last four months; ever since Jean's death. For the first time ever Scott reached out through the distance between the beds and caught hold of Rogue's gloved hand. Holding on to it, he found his first peaceful sleep since Jean's death.

**Part 6:**

Things had slowly returned to normal after that in the Mansion, with some changes. Scott returned to teach his classes and lead the X-men and Rogue began in school again. Luckily Scott helped her catch up on all she had missed. It had been six months since Jean's death and Rogue still slept in a bed next to Scott's so he wasn't to be alone. Scott's unique mixture of being vulnerable yet strong fascinated Rogue and she had discovered that she was slowly falling in love with him. Talking about love…She still had her suspicions about Ororo and Logan but they weren't talking.

"'Morning, Marie. Two eggs and a slice of bacon?" Scott greeted her as she came down to breakfast.

" Yes, please," she said and Scott prepared her breakfast.

" I was thinking of making a quiz in English literature next Monday. What do you think?" Scott asked as he put their breakfast on the table and they both started eating.

Scott was an okay cook in lack of having Remy nearby.

" Good idea but nothing on E. A. Poe. He's impossible to understand and we only had one poem by him," Rogue answered honestly.

Scott often asked her advise which she was happy for. She knew she should encourage him to open up to others than her but she liked having him to herself.

" Okay. Have you seen Ororo and…." Scott began but stopped as thunder suddenly sounded over the Mansion.

" I think we have found her," Scott said and he and Rogue ran to Ororo's room.

"Ororo, you alright? We heard a …" Scott began as he and Rogue burst into the room and saw a naked Ororo dressed only in her long white hair which had grown very long over the past months and which fortunately covered the right places.

Ororo's bed was messed and Logan stood in front of her only in boxers.

" Oh, ma God," Rogue uttered shocked.

Both turned and looked at them.

" What is going on here?" Scott asked, not sure he wanted to know.

" What the fuck are you doing here?" Logan growled dangerously.

" Remove yourselves from this room," Ororo demanded harshly, her eyes white.

" WHAT is going on here? Why are we having a local storm that if it gets much stronger will tear the house down?" Scott demanded to know, raising his voice to be heard over the others.

" None of your business, One-Eye," Logan grunted lowly.

" When you're about to ruin the Mansion I 'm making it my business," Scott gave back and Rogue smiled at him. She had worked hard to give him back his self confidence after the ordeal with Jean and she now felt it had bore fruit.

" I'm pregnant," Ororo said and a pin could have been heard dropping to the floor.

" Come again," Scott got out.

" I'm pregnant," she said louder, defiance in her voice.

" Okay, okay, relax," Scott hurriedly said as the clouds darkened even more.

" Then why aren't we celebrating? Ah think its cool," Rogue declared.

" Because Logan refuses to admit the truth," Ororo spat out and a flash of lighting cut down a tree in the garden.

Logan…Logan and Ororo. Now he could die a happy man for he had seen everything, Scott thought shocked.

As yet another tree fell Scott and Rogue turned accusing glances at Logan.

" What? I just asked if it was mine," Logan growled and Scott could feel a headache coming.

" Wouldn't you know….be able to….smell…" Scott blushed deeply and Logan smirked at him " … if anyone else but you had touched her?" Scott ended, giving Logan an annoyed stare.

" Well…yes," Logan admitted , feeling foolish.

He hadn't thought when he had asked Ororo, he had just wanted to be sure in his happiness.

" Well, that should settle it then," Scott declared but Ororo still had a thunder going.

Logan looked at her.

" Then say you're sorry, god damn it," Scott hissed as thunder rolled.

Logan growled warningly at Scott. As Logan went over to Ororo, Scott sensed it was time to leave and he and Rogue quickly exited the room.

" 'Ro, I…I'm sorry," Logan mumbled and the weather immediately got better.

" I was just scared. I've never had anyone. I just wanted to be sure. …I don't want to lose you. I love you," Logan admitted honestly and looked her in the eyes.

The sky got clear and the sun was shinning.

" Oh, Logan. I love you too," Ororo said with a smile as the last of her anger disappeared.

Logan opened his arms in open invitation and Ororo went to him and he closed his arms tightly around her.

" Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me," he mumbled against her silver hair.

" I never will. WE never will," Ororo promised softly and included their child in her statement and hugged him close.

Logan drew back and Ororo looked puzzled at him.

" I'm afraid I'll squash it," Logan said softly and Ororo laughed.

" You won't."

" Well, shouldn't you be sitting down or something? You're…" He pointed to her still flat stomach.

" Pregnant, love, and I can stand."

But Logan would hear nothing of it and lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the bed and lay her softly down upon it.

"Thank you for this gift," Logan whispered and gently kissed her stomach.

"And thank you for your love," he added and kissed her lips and they didn't come out from Ororo's room until much later.

**Part 7:**

" I would never have guessed they had been together," Scott said disbelieving as he and Rogue went from Ororo's room.

" Ah thought about it but still…" Rogue said. Ororo and Logan. Who'll have thought that?

"You still want to go to the gallery today?" Rogue asked as they had eaten the rest of their breakfast.

Scott looked very thoughtful.

" Hmm? Yes, later. There's something I need to do first," Scott said determined and left a puzzled Rogue at the table.

* * *

Scott went over the cemetery and found Jean's grave. There had been nothing left to bury so they had had to bury an empty coffin. Scott had never been here before. It was as if as long as he didn't see her headstone, some part of him could believe she was still alive. Now, he knew he needed to move on.

He read Jean's gravestone:

" To my beloved Jean,

We never got to marry

But you have always been my wife in my heart.I love you

Yours forever

Scott Summers"

He laid the ten red roses he had with him at her grave. Ten, because this year it would have been ten years since they met.

" Jean,….I still love you. I'll always love you. But...I need someone and I…I think I'm falling in love with Rogue," he spoke softly to her, knelling by her grave.

Is that alright with you? Can I love someone new without betraying you? Scott thought worried.

No voice answered him but a soft wind blew over the ground and made the leaves dance. He followed a leave with his eyes. Saw how it danced with a lot of different leaves but just as beautifully with them all. He knew it was Jean who had spoken to him and he smiled.

"Thank you, love. Thank you," he said as he gently kissed her headstone before stood up again.

He felt the familiar pain and guilt over Jean's death but it was fading even though it would always remain as a part of him. But he was controlling the grief now and not the other way around. He saw Rogue coming towards him and stopping right outside the cemetery, respecting his need for privacy. He smiled softly and started walking towards her. It was autumn, yet the wind was mild.Scott looked back once at Jean's grave. The small bronze statue of a Phoenix he had asked to be placed on top of her headstone glimmered in the sun and tears came to his eyes.

Farewell, My love, he thought softly.

He remembered something he had once read and it reminded him of Jean: _It's a far, far better thing to do than I've ever done._ _It's a far, far better place to be than I've ever been._ _It's a far, far better rest than I've ever known._

Please, my love, be safe, be happy. Remember the love I'll always hold for you in my heart even now, he thought.

Scott reached Rogue and she smiled at him and put her arms around him and he drew her into a kiss.

Losing one love and finding a new. I've been cursed and blessed at the same time, Scott thought as their lips meet.

As he deepened the kiss, his love for Jean gave way for this new love for Rogue. There were no comparison, he'll always love Jean but Rogue was his new love. His new life. Together they would built a new world. Just the two of them. They'll make it through. Together, they'll reach the stars and take down the moonlight.

The End

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